Self-fulfilling fantasia

04:37, 23-april 2011
San Marcos Sierra, Cordoba, Argentina.

Hi! It’s been a while, Amores. Been on a hedonistic tangent of unbridled indulgence (for the last few months), pursuing pleasure and fun at any cost. Not sure what prompted this growth, but I reckon I’ve found out more about myself than in any other period of late.

Blah blah blah ME.. for a loner, or a self proclaimed “monstruo de independiencia” I’ve made some great connections, loving and missing all the angels that chance has thrown to me. Amor swells and overflows from my charmed soul, and I can’t imagine living by any other guiding power.

Perry Farrell (of Jane’s Addiction) said during a recent concert in Santiago, Chile that he loves being a hedonist because he can’t help but feel like everything around him is his. “Welcome to our country Perry, but please don’t steal.” Without selfishness I feel the same way.. I’m certain that it’s there for me, and I’m unafraid to take it. Why not? (Nagging voice: Is it fair, after being told all my life that I’m not worthy to take it all?)

Not exactly new, but recently I’ve noticed my penchant for humbling myself at the risk of being misunderstood, but who cares.. here I go again. Today I admitted to a recurrent travel buddy that I’m actually coming around to not hating reggae music.. (hippie alert!) Actually I’m still far from loving it, but there’s a marked change, where I can for once appreciate it. (For the first time in 15 years, the soul rebel sounds of Bob Marley doesn’t make me cringe anymore!) A month at the World Rainbow Gathering in Argentina might have cultivated this tolerance, where (oh no don’t get me started) I felt myself open.. to not judging, being comfortable and confident to be myself without doubt, and naturally everyone else too. I think what I’ve criticized in reggae music was that it always sounded generic and unoriginal. But now I see it more aligned with folk music, intended to play the heartstrings that unite people rather than build on egos and ‘break new ground’ with originality.

Another thing I’ve noticed, seeing myself and accepting what pieces I’m comprised of, is how American my perspective is. Ruled by the principle that there is only one way to perceive things, which is Positively, wow I can only marvel at the North-American monster I truly am. Without going too far down this rabbit hole, I always felt a compulsion to be different, which guided me down the path less traveled, or so I thought, to be alternative, what a joke! And only appreciate things alternative, which is actually so normal, at least for the enormous subculture of rebels and misfits to which I belong, that I’ll try and prove it by asking you to contemplate the literal contradiction that is the genre ‘Alternative music’, quite possibly the greatest giant of our modern industry. If you can call any of it anything other than Alternative I’d love to hear it.

I don’t know what’s come over me down here in South America, but I’m way off my original path.. struggling to achieve 10,000km on my cyclo-computer odometer (and it’s probably not gonna happen before I come home.) Coming back, when? Time flies, and I’ve recently passed the 6 month mark on this continent. The undeniable itch to flee autumn descending has hit again, so back to the northern hemisphere I come! I’ve been a party monster, in my own way, for the last few months, and all I wanna do is have some fun. No big goals, just pure unbridled perpetuation of this dream I call life and free will. And I wanna be warm, where the feel-good onset of spring and summer tingles everyone into being their optimal, beautiful selves.

I’ve missed you guys, and indulging the pleasure that is filling my head with you while I write for you. YOU. Who reads this anyway? I recently befriended someone really cool, and naturally we became Facebook friends, and then I learned she has 1,032 friends! Somehow that came as a big turn-off, not that I’ll actually hold it against her given the opportunity, but You are my lovelies, and I write to you because I do love you, my inner circle with whom I tell my soul. I hope you know that, and if you don’t, then you probably shouldn’t be reading this.

Life seems so simple lately, though I’m about to complicate it with North America. I’ve accepted an assignment to help design a new business with an old colleague, which will kick things off first of June, sparkled with a road-trip to Tennesee for Bonnarroo soon after I arrive. July 1st reserves my heart to attend my first ever American Rainbow Gathering in Washington state, after which I hope to travel a bit down the west coast (Highway 1 on bike? National parks galore?) Oh how I long to spend the interim until Burning Man on a getaway to Mexico and Cuba with my beloved best Pizano, but our specific hopes and dreams may take some more time to materialize. It all sounds quite fun though, especially the obvious re-connecting with all my lovelies.

He done IS mmm. true!

2 thoughts on “Self-fulfilling fantasia”

  1. you are so beautiful in your scribing and my heart celebrates your journey, thanks for sharing your heart, always thinking, always hearing ever searching yours rako

  2. So excited you’ll be passing through home base soon for a while! Let’s try to plan a couple days together before you and Vic set out.

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