20-May 2012, 23:14
Leg 2 to Marquesas, Day 18
(This was to be a private entry, because I felt like gushing and thought it would be fun to write it out for myself. At the risk of sounding too self-aware, too self-absorbed, too happy on my flying unicorn, I decided to heck with it.. think what you want: I’m Happy.)
Euphoria sets-in. I had one nagging issue on this trip, resolved 5 days ago, and ever since I’m full of giddy bliss. Sounds silly but I found, out on a boat in the middle of the ocean, that my life is perfect.
I thought my company was going to be a bummer… but it’s just the opposite. In reality they don’t matter much. Applying my general outlook regarding people in my life: they’re not the source of my happiness or unhappiness.. they just are, and so am I; my happiness is not dependent on anyone but myself, and I alone am complete… it’s all within me, everything I need to be stable and happy. Perhaps I previously let perceived virtues or shortcomings of my crew-mates color my disposition on the boat. Since I found my voice, and made it clear what I’m here for, and what I’m willing to contribute, everything is hunky-dory. Now I see that we don’t need anything from each other, only to contribute what we want to, and viola! we are balanced.
I spend so much time thinking about how grateful I am for everything. I say prayers and thank-you’s throughout the day and night, when I close my eyes before bed, or before I take a bite of food. Meditations, work-outs, and Love-Reiki sessions each include an invocation of the Universe. I’ve come to see many of my actions throughout the day as iterations of various cycles, ones that I am practicing and perfecting. It’s not so much calculating and repetition as it is an acknowledgement, stating an intention, so that my actions are clear, with purpose, and dynamic. Life is not a rehearsal. The results are that everything I do becomes a prayer, a motion of intended perfection, beauty, grace and elevation.
I woke from a quick nap this afternoon and jotted down my dream: I was with a good friend from home, whom I’ve shared many an adventure and much of the same company over the years. Simple-as, we were reminiscing, waxing lyrical about how great our lives have been, so many good people and experiences on our paths, and how fortunate so much of it has come to pass together. We’ve bathed in each other’s radiance for so long. Thank You, Sandra! Namaste.
Things that have been filling my head lately:
- I care deeply about so many people. From all spheres of my life, in all times, spaces, and dimensions, everyone lives in me. Fresh, right now, eternally in my rich blood. I’d like to go and revisit each and every one of you unrepeatable and magnificent spirits, so that I may indulge in your unique, unforgettable essence again… this stockpile of beautiful souls, alone, might be the greatest fortune in my life.
- I’m so excited to keep going on this path, although I have no ideawhere it will lead. Only thing I feel for sure is that the Unknown cradles me securely in her loving arms, and I need never worry.
- This vantage point is one of the purest, most direct links to the universe I have known. good-bye World of Man, hello World of Gods! Elemental basics: being carried across the skin of our planet by the wind and water, under a fire in the sky… beholding everlasting morphing giants of the land, sea, sky and superstrata… and by night the always dramatic uncloaking of the Infinite cosmos above, the true key to our place in the universe! Is there Nothing out here, or Everything? Not sure if I’ve simplified or overwhelmed my inputs!
- I need to Create. Not so I have something to show for these mental exercises, but because I want to connect. We can do this together. Again, no idea what or how – and not stressing it. Can start with my every actionbearing the intention of Creation.
- Life is too good. and if I died tomorrow, I would have no regrets. I have seen and felt so much, and it keeps coming at a rate I can scarcely process. i’m so thankful and aware of the abundance in this life, grateful to have the thinking mind be conscious of it, and I’m immutably humbled for this opportunity to live.